lost_in_a_story (lost_in_a_story) wrote in lion_lamb,
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Chapter 9 Falling Forever

My sincerest apologies that it has been a month since I updated. School got in the way of everything I’ve been trying to accomplish as far as writing goes. I really should be studying for my Latin final right now but I thought I would update instead! I hope everyone is having a happy holiday no matter what you celebrate. Please enjoy and I will try not to be too late on the next update

Title: Falling Forever
Author: Jill!
Rating: M....ish.
Summary: What if Alice had seen the nomads coming before that day in the baseball field and the Cullens leave? What if Edward meets her four years later? And what does James have to do with it all?
A/N: I hope they don't seem too OOC...and I don't own the Cullens...if I did do you srsly think I'd be typing this right now? 

Links to other chapters found here @ ff.net!

Edward’s POV
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    I couldn’t allow myself to let this go any further.  Venom was pooling in my mouth faster than I could swallow it and I was beginning to grow extremely nervous, fearing that I wouldn’t be able to stop myself if I gave into temptation…if I bit her.

    “Bella, we have to stop. We have to stop now.” I said in between kisses. Her hands were fisted in my hair as she clung to me. I wondered if it was more than just a physical gesture or if, perhaps, her desperate clinging was a projection of how she actually felt. Was it possible that Bella was trying desperately to cling to the past she once knew? A past that involved me, my family, and her as a seventeen year old girl. A past that involved the two of us on teetering on the edge of falling in love. I would let myself believe that yes, it was indeed possible if not probable.

    “Why?” She whispered. She already knew she was defeated, I could sense it in the tone of her voice but she insisted on asking anyway.

    “Because if we don’t stop now, I’m going to kill you.” I said seriously. I could feel it come, I could feel the monster attempting to rip through me. I couldn’t allow that to happen, I wouldn’t allow it to happen. Not tonight, not ever.

    “Do it.” She said. Her request was as clear as day and just as heartbreaking. I stopped mid kiss with my hands grasping her at by the sides. I stared up at her, disbelieving and terrified.

    “What are you telling me Bella?” I said firmly. She tucked a strand of hair behind her hair nervously. I could tell that she knew exactly what she had meant by her statement, she was just too nervous to fully explain it to me. “Tell me Bella, what’s been going on? What’s wrong?” I asked quietly.

    “Come on Edward, you’re smart, surely you can figure out that my mortal life really isn’t going that well. I feel confused constantly, like I’m living in this thick fog that just won’t lift. The minute I saw you, it was like I could see again. Edward, I’m so confused I don’t know why I’m with James.” I growled when she said James, an instinct that I wasn’t going to attempt to control.

    “Bella, we’ll fix it. We’ll fix everything but giving up your mortality the second I’m back in your life doesn’t seem like that good of an idea.” I told her. I was terrified, I didn’t want to kill her but I wanted her forever. Bella sighed, she looked exhausted  and fragile in the moonlight that it would have driven me to tears if I were able to cry. She bit her lip for a moment as she concentrated on a spot on the ceiling. I knew she was trying her hardest to look anywhere she could besides my face. “Hey, look at me…please.” I asked her gently. She stared back at me,

    “Will you please just…kiss me? I won’t ask again. Just please kiss me.” She asked. I couldn’t deny her that. I kissed her again, softly this time, trying to control the undeniable hunger I felt. Unfortunately, it escalated just as quickly as it had the previous time and I found myself struggling to resist the urge to kill her. Maybe that was her plan, maybe she was trying to drive me to the edge.

    “Stop it Bella. Bella, we need to stop.” She wouldn’t budge. She was relentless in her attempts to get me to end her mortal life. I kissed her again, and I could feel my hands tightening on her waist, ideas of killing her were beginning to spring into my mind. It was like the first day I had seen her all over again, her scent slamming into me like a tidal wave. It wouldn’t take any time at all and she would barely feel a thing. It could all be over so quickly…

    “NO!!” I roared and I was suddenly across the room backed against my bedroom door. I heard Bella fall with a soft ‘oomph’ to the couch. I looked up to the ceiling as if it would give me some magical answer as to what to do. I needed to relax, I wanted to bolt but I didn’t want to leave Bella alone. I feared that James lurked somewhere in the night, though I was certain that I would be able to hear his thoughts if he did.

    I felt like I was going to lose control, I felt like everything that had been missing for four years was finally right in front of my face. I had to give Bella some answers. The storm was still raging outside but, for some reason, in that moment I could care less about keeping Bella dry and out of the rain. I had to tell her why we had left, I had to tell her how all that I felt…

    In a moment I was back over to her. She hadn’t said anything since I had dashed across the room, she was merely sitting on the couch watching me. I had an idea and I needed to act on it before I backed out totally. Without saying a word I grabbed Bella by the wrist and quickly hoisted her onto my back,

    “Edward what are you doing?” She asked me. I let a small smile soften my expression.

    “I’m showing you the man the monster wishes he was.” I whispered and with that I threw open the doors that led from my room to the second floor patio…and then I was running.

    Bella was clinging to me with all her might as I dashed through the downpour that was consuming the night. I couldn’t help but grin as I ran through trees and underbrush with Bella perched atop my back. I was grinning wildly; I had her back in my life, the one I had missed so greatly. It was refreshing to be able to run, mainly because the rain was doing a nice job of whisking away Bella’s scent so that I could think clearly.

    “Edward, I’m scared…” She said as I continued to bound deeper into the dark forest. I wasn’t sure where my destination was exactly, I was running to run as far as I was concerned. Whether or not I was actually running from something remained a mystery.

    “You’re perfectly safe but I can stop if you’d like.” I told her, hoping she heard me over the sound of the storm.

    “Yes, please.” She said. I slowed to a nice jog that eventually turned into a walk. I stopped moving altogether eventually and Bella dropped safely from off my back. The rain was pelting both of us, so much for trying to find a dry place outside…but I really wasn’t concerned with that. Not now. Not when I needed to think clearly, not when I needed to confess to her…

    “Why did you leave?” She asked after a few moments of the two of us just staring at each other from a safe distance. She spoke loudly over the roar of the storm that seemed like it would never end. I wanted to blame Carlisle, point fingers and tell her that it was all his fault but that wouldn’t have been fair. Because, in the end, Carlisle had been right to agree to let us leave. I couldn’t blame Alice either, ‘Don’t kill the messenger’, she was only ever the bearer of bad news…it was never her fault.

    “Bella, we left because we had to.” I responded, not daring to move any closer.

    “But you never called! You never wrote!” She cried. I knew this was coming, I didn’t want her to cry, I didn’t want her to be upset but I had to tell her.

    “I left you a letter but it had to be destroyed. Bella, please believe me when I tell you that we left because there were dangers coming that were beyond our control. Alice saw them, she reacted as she saw fit…Carlisle agreed and decided that it was best that we left. We were trying to protect you please believe me Bella. It was for the best, we weren‘t trying to be selfish, we didn‘t mean to hurt you. I promise you that we left for good reasons. Please Bella, believe me!” I begged her. She shook her head back and forth, it was unclear if she was telling me ‘no’ or trying to dissuade tears from showing themselves.

    “Who was coming?! Who could possibly have been so evil that you didn’t think you could handle them? You’re vampires!” She said. I ran my hand through my disheveled hair.

    “There are vampires out there that even my family can’t handle. Alice saw danger, she saw death, she saw a fight and you smack dab in the middle of it. I couldn’t allow that to happen, I couldn’t because…” I wasn’t sure if I should say it or not, I didn’t know if I could bring myself to confess it simply because I was quite afraid of what her reaction would be.

    “Because what Edward? Because I wouldn’t understand?! Because I’m not smart enough?! Why would you leave me?! It’s been four years! Tell  me why!” She demanded. I didn’t know if she was angry or scare or both. There was no turning back, not from this,

    “BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!” I shouted. “I LOVE YOU! I’m a vampire, I drink blood, I live forever, I fucking sparkle in the sun, and I LOVE YOU!” I shouted. Bella seemed slightly taken aback. Like I had just hit her with a rock.

    “What?--” She fumbled with words,

    “I love you. I love you, I care for you, I want to kill you every time we kiss but I love you more than I can express. I cannot tell you how hard I’m trying for you, I’m trying to keep this monster at bay, to keep the vampire inside of me from making his presence known. I want you, no--, I NEED you to understand that we left for a reason, we left to protect you, I left because if you would have died I would have died along with you…but we never would have been together . You deserve Heaven Bella and all I’ll ever have to offer you is Hell.” I said. She stared at me for a minute or so, not caring in the least that rain was drenching the clothes she had just put on. I wanted to read her mind, I wanted to know every thought she was having.

    She crossed to me, rather quickly and the next thing I knew we were face to face. She wasn’t afraid, she hadn’t run screaming nor had she tried to hit me.

    “I choose the fire.” She said simply.

    “What?” I asked. The rain continued to pelt us but I felt nothing but her eyes on me,

    “I’d rather go down burning with you, and for you, then spend eternity in something called ‘Heaven’ without you.” She said. I couldn’t believe what she was telling me,

    “Bella? Do you--” She cut me off, finishing my sentence for me,

    “I love you.” She confessed. She loved me, she returned the feeling, she didn’t hate me like she should have. I felt changed in that moment, I felt different, I felt whole and I felt happy.

    “What are you saying?” I whispered through the rain.

    “I want to burn.” She said and then her lips were on mine. We were kissing and the monster was silent. Her hands found their refuge in my hair once again and this time I didn’t stop her. I laid my hands on the small of her back and pushed her against me. This time I wasn’t afraid for some reason, I felt in control. Our kiss escalated and soon she had me flush against a tree and we were pressed as close together as we could find ourselves.

    ‘She loves me.’ was all I could think in my mind…perhaps that was what kept the monster at bay.

    Suddenly though I tore away from her. Alice’s thoughts were screaming at me, demanding my full attention. I growled at my sister though I knew she couldn’t hear me,

    “What is it? What’s wrong Edward?” Bella asked breathlessly.

    “Come home Edward…Now.” Alice’s thoughts repeated over and over. I didn’t know what was going on…but whatever it was, it wasn’t good.
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