Rating: T for now.
Spoilers: New Moon and Twilight
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I'm just having some fun.
Summary: Bella doesn't know how to go on without Edward. Will Edward save her before it's too late?
feedback is great:]
Chapter 1 at <lj user="ccaitlinc214">
I was sick today so I wrote more. Please comment if you enjoy this! :)
I need something, anything to give me a sign he still loves me. But he left nothing behind. He could take away everything but memories. I don’t feel as though I can live anymore.
Jacob Black called today. The work of Charlie, I guessed. He asked if I wanted to hang out. Why in the world would anyone want to hand out with someone as empty as me? I suppose I could go. Maybe La Push won’t remind me of
The short drive to La Push seemed too long. When I got to the Black’s it seemed vaguely familiar. I saw Jacob come out of the woods. He looks so much bigger than the last time I saw him at prom. “No,” my head and heart screamed at once. I winced.
“Hey, Bella!” Jacob seemed much bigger up close.
“Hi, Jacob.” I tried to sound at least a little pleased to see him.
“I was surprised you came. My dad told me Charlie said you weren’t doing so good. I’m really sorry Bella.”
Did he ask me to come down here for a heart to heart talk?
“Yeah, uh, I’d rather not talk about it… So, what have you been up to?”
“Well, I just got back from hanging out with one of the guys. I was going to leave it up to you to decide what to do.”
“Oh, well whatever you do on a normal day is okay with me.”
Jacob’s day consists of working on his car. What he was doing with his ‘Baby’ as he liked to call it was not interesting to me at all. So, I just asked him questions to make the time pass.
“These guys, one of them is Sam, they are getting on my last nerve. They act like hot shit all the time, walking around here thinking they are the protectors of our land.” Jacob was getting really aggravated; it actually started to make me feel uneasy.
What’s up with him? From the few times I’ve spent with Jacob he has never showed one ounce of anger.
“I’m sorry, Bells. Is it okay if I call you that? It just that this makes me so ticked off. I know you don’t want to hear about it. Just some stupid rez talk… Bella?”
“Oh! Yeah, it’s fine.” I snapped out of my trance like state.
“So! Enough about me… for now,” his face gleamed with genuine happiness, “what have you been doing up until now?”
Crying, screaming, moping around, you know the usual. “Nothing really, I’ve been busy with school, you know. I haven’t been going out much,” at all…
“Well, we are going to have to fix that!”
For the first time in awhile, I felt myself smile. A real smile. Jacob must have noticed automatically because he flash a big smile, it was like he was glowing. Like the sun. Before I knew it, it was already getting dark.
“I think I have to get going, Jake. I have to go make Charlie dinner. I don’t even want to know what he would make if I wasn’t there.” Sarcasm was coming back.
“I could go tell Billy to call Charlie to come down… so you didn’t have to go…” Jacob sounded like he was on the edge of begging.
“No, it’s okay, maybe another time. I won’t stay away for that long, Jake.” That seemed to send him off the edge.
“Right! I’ll call you, err… you call me!” He said so eagerly, “well, I mean whatever is best for you,” trying to play it cool.
I don’t want to give him the wrong idea…
“Yeah, I’ll talk to you later!”
A day without pain, I thought as I turned out of the Black’s little drive way. The rain started to get heavier as I drove down the road back to Forks. Suddenly, it hit me. Like someone has just punched me right in the chest, waves of pain shot through me. My heart was screaming at me. All I could think was “don’t forget about him”, I didn’t understand.
I got home and made Charlie’s dinner as fast as I could. When I was done I ran up the stairs to my room, and slammed my door. Before I could move to my bed, more pain rippled through me. I fell to the ground. Was this ever going to end? Before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face, the pain paralyzing me. The gaping hole in my chest wasn’t, to my surprise, better than it was the first day of my new life.
“No.” I thought. This isn’t life. Life was with Edward. Another ripple of pain was sent through me. This new world was too hard to live in. I felt an unexpected cool breeze… My heart or what was left of it was pounding now. I knew I didn’t open my window before I left.
“I CAN’T DO THIS.” I screamed at the top of my lungs. The whole house vibrated with the sound.
This world without Bella is worthless. There is no point of living anymore. I am a foolish person to even think I can go on without love. I am a different person without her. I am worthless, completely and utterly worthless. I feel more like a monster now than ever. Maybe I can allow Alice to foresee her future. No. I will not bring Alice into this. Maybe I can go see if she is okay. Am I crazy? Why would I even think of this? Alice would see me going. I heard footsteps, too late.
“I knew you couldn’t stay away from her!” Alice squealed.
“Not now Alice!” I scoffed.
She walked away without a word, not even in her thoughts. What am I becoming? I’m hurting my family, I’m hurting myself. I will go check on her, and then I’ll leave…if I can.
After I got near Forks I stayed in the forest so no one would see me. I reached the house I’d grown to love; I reached the window of the girl who has all my love, the window I climbed through countless times. The countless nights I spent with stunning Bella. I slowly opened the window without a sound. She wasn’t in there. Her sent hit me, I had to leave. If I didn’t now, I wouldn’t be able to and I would awake the myths once more. So, I ran. Coward, I growled to myself. I didn’t get far until I heard running through Bella’s house. I heard a door slam and the crying begin. I heard her breathing stop short as she got up. I was curious as to why she was crying. I went back, just out of her vision.
I left the window open.
How could I be so careless? At that moment her scent washed over me, but it smelled wrong…those dogs. As soon as I leave they go after her! Maybe I’m overreacting…. She might have just seen Jacob. Her dad is friends with one of them. I had a little Alice in my head pleading with me to stay. No, I told myself. I made a decision to let her be happy. Whatever is making her cry is going to pass and she will be happy once again. I am stronger than this.
But then I heard her angel voice…
Still crying, I went to my window there was no sign of anyone. Charlie must have opened it. What if? No! Remember he doesn’t want you anymore! Don’t think he would come back to some human when he can get some beautiful vampire. He would he happy and have no temptations. A wave of jealousy washed through me.
“I can’t do this.” I whispered. My heart can’t hold this much… disappointment and most of all love for someone who doesn’t love me back. My head started to spin. I don’t remember if I fell asleep or if I just fell completely numb… but I dreamt.
“You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever.
You already know how I feel, of course; I’m here, which, roughly translated, means I’d rather die than stay away from you. I’m an idiot.
You are an idiot. And so the lion fell in love with the lamb.
What a stupid lamb.
What a sick, masochistic lion……”