Rating: T for now.
Spoilers: New Moon & Twilight just to be safe.
Summary: Bella doesn't know how to go on without Edward. Will Edward save her before it's too late?
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer!
This is kind of the full chapter of the short post i made titled Save Me!
Comments, please! This is my first full one! :D
Edward. As soon as I said his name, I instantly regretted it. My heart ached; his name stretched it farther apart. I looked next to me, I looked around my room. Nothing, no one. He left. No! My heart screamed out to me. I woke up with an ache in my heart, and a gut feeling like my whole world had changed. Like my life had just been taken away from me, and I was to spend my days empty.
“No! No! No!” I screamed. Now not only did it feel as though my heart was in two. It felt like someone had pulled it from my chest and ran with it. My mind couldn’t warp around what actually happened. It was still dark out and the only thing I could hear was the rain pounding against my closed window.
My mind kept playing this over and over in my head like a skipping CD. He left, why? How could he leave me? Didn’t he realize how much I needed him? Of course he did. So, why did he go? What did I do? In my head I was tracing back to things I might have done. Nothing came to mind. The same questions kept racing my mind.
I tried going back to sleep, but every time I closed my eyes I would see his angelic face. Maybe taking a shower and getting dressed would help. Even this tortured me. The thought of him in my room waiting for me as I raced through a shower and I ran to my room seemed to make me feel as though the whole world was spinning around me. When I got to my small bathroom, I looked in the mirror. I looked dead. I looked just as how I felt. After I was done I couldn’t make myself go back into my room, where so much would remind me of him.
Downstairs didn’t give me the relief of torturing beautiful memories. I did the only thing I could this early, clean. By doing this my mind was free to wander, not something I wanted.
How am I suppose to live? My life has been taken away. There is no such thing as a clean break. There is no one to take away my pain, or to wipe my tears away. No one to erase my fears. No laughter, no happiness is left in this rainy life here.
Days have past… There is still no sign of him. My nights are full of crying and nightmares. In my nightmares I’m left alone in the meadow where we used to go and all I can hear is his velvet voice crying out to me “it will be as if I never existed.” I’d try to find him but he’s not there, just a painful memory. Every night is spent waking up frantically looking for someone who is not there and look past a window that hasn’t been open in weeks.
My friends have stopped calling. Mike rarely speaks to me. Jessica won’t look at me. At lunch I sit next to Angela who is content with my frequent head nods. My life is beginning to become a boring silent movie. Charlie is worried about me. I can tell by how he stays home now and the look on his face every time I walk away without a word.
What is left for me?
How could I do this to her? But how could she possibly believe I didn’t want her anymore? How many times have I told her I love her? But now she can be happy. She can live an ordinary life, with no ancient stories to harm her. Stories that should be myths to her, I brought those myths to life. I will unquestionably be going to hell for putting Bella, my Bella through so much pain and exposing her to so much. I’m confident she will get over this. She is strong, right? Why? Why did I do this? If something happens to her, I refuse to live in a world she does not exist.
What am I going to do with my long endless life? Not life, actually.
Sentence on earth is a better way to put it. Life was when Bella was safe in my cold arms. My heart has not beaten in close to a century, but now after decades, I can feel it. Not beating but breaking. I never knew what this felt like. Sure I’ve watch sappy love story movies but nothing compares to the pain and the emptiness you feel when the person you love is gone, even after being seventeen for what seems like forever.
I had told Alice not to go looking for Bella’s future. I wanted a clean break that was not just for Bella's sake. Every time I close my eyes I see her beautiful face. Bella, my beautiful Bella.
Days have past… Carlisle has been comparing me to my old self. Esme can not bear to see me so lifeless again. Alice, my favorite sister, is begging me to go back, to be happy, and to make Bella happy. Of course no one has said these things to me; just no one has been very private with their thoughts. I don’t speak as much, only when needed. I can still smell freesia, her smell still lingers. I have not laughed since that fateful birthday. Day have begun to flow together. My world is back to being a moonless night. There are a few points of light, memories. Leaving that beautiful girl back in that rainy old town was the worst decision my tortured soul could have made.
this is the full chapter! Comment if you enjoy it. Tell me if i should continue!