Amy (scarlett71177) wrote in lion_lamb,

FanFic: Faulty Radar Detector

Title: Faulty Radar Detector
Author: scarlett71177
Characters/Pairing: Edward/Bella
Rating: PG-13
Category: fluff, humor
Summary: Bella drives Edward to distraction
Author's Note: (x-posted a bit) Written for the twilight20 community; my prompt was 'limit'.

I can’t drive fifty-five. ~Sammy Hagar~

I could feel the small silver cell phone vibrating in the pocket of his jeans, buzzing against my own hip as I lay draped across Edward in the center of my bed on an ordinary, gray summer day in Forks. The slightly warmer weather offered us one luxury—I didn’t have to bundle up in a blanket to cuddle with Edward. It was heavenly being so close to him.

I hoped in futility that he could ignore the curious buzzing sensation, and I hoped my kisses were enough to make his multi-tasking vampire’s mind able to forget everything but me. Sadly, I knew better. Stupid vampire.

“Bella,” he panted softly, drawing away from my lips, leaving me no choice but to refuse to meet his gaze and ignore his inevitable attempts at reason, preferring instead to trail kisses along his strong jaw line. “You know who that is,” he moaned.


“I know,” I breathed against his ear. “And I’m choosing to ignore her. Please do the same.” I ran my tongue over the ice-cold, ice-hard flesh of his earlobe, hoping to sway his decision.

I was shocked when he hissed loudly, drawing in a breath he didn’t need and pulled me tight against his body.

The vibration ceased and I stupidly thought perhaps Alice had taken the hint or was currently peering into my future to see what I’d decided I’d much rather be doing with Edward right now.

As if on cue to totally and utterly ruin the moment, the phone pulsed again. I was pleased I’d won Round One against the evil phone and decided to push my luck and try again.

Edward’s hands slowly strayed from my waist toward the phone in his left pocket. I was surprised he opted against vampire speed and I began to wonder if he wanted this ‘one on one’ time as much as I did. I was beginning to think I could talk him into ignoring the call after all and took immediate action.

Quickly, I slid my hand down over the firm planes of his chest, past his waist, and pressed my hand down firmly over the annoying buzz of the phone.

He was perfectly stilled by the touch, but his golden butterscotch eyes flitted immediately to mine before darting down to appraise the intimate gesture.

“Please?” I pleaded, my hand resting against his hip.

He sighed with clear exasperation—whether for me or his lovely but annoying sister I wasn’t sure. “You know if we don’t answer she’ll just run over—literally.”

He was right and I knew it. I loved her like a sister, but Alice would not be ignored. I groaned and rested my forehead against his shoulder. “Remind me to tell Alice if we don’t answer the phone after a few rings—then we’re otherwise occupied.”

He threaded his fingers through mine, gently drawing them away from his protruding hipbone. He kissed them quickly and let go, rapidly retrieving his phone, putting it up to his ear.

“What is it, Alice?” he asked through clenched teeth without even bothering to glance at the caller id.

I settled more comfortably against him, refusing to abandon hope that we might be able to resume our alone time after a brief phone call. I strained to hear what Alice was saying on the other end of the line and Edward politely changed ears so I could eavesdrop.

“Guess who!” Alice chimed in her mellifluous voice. “A delivery has just arrived at the house and I need Bella to come over and play for a while.”

I groaned inwardly and sighed against Edward’s chest. I knew exactly what delivery Alice was referencing—a periwinkle blue maid of honor dress direct from France. True, I had found peace with the idea of marrying young—and what my so-called friends might think of me. After all, I wouldn’t be seeing them much longer anyway. I was going away to ‘college’. What I hadn’t come to grips with was the way Alice, even reigned in, was going just slightly overboard with the preparations and spending.

Edward smirked. “Might that delivery compliment a certain white garment currently hanging in your closet?”

I did not want Edward to see my dress one second before I met him at the altar; I knew Alice was in support of me on that one point.

“Why yes, and guess who won’t be seeing it? That’s right-YOU! I’m going to be on guard for weeks if I have to. You don’t want to ruin this for Bella, do you?” I heard her ask before I gave up listening. Didn’t Alice know I had no hope of swaying Edward on anything? He always won all the battles. Better he win the little battles than the ‘war’—the battle royal for my soul.

I heard Edward mumble his reluctant acceptance at her invitation and the phone clicked shut. “Better to get this over with, wouldn’t you agree?”

No, I wouldn’t agree. “No, let’s just stay here,” I pleaded. “We’ll lock the doors and—”

Edward looked at me dubiously and raised an eyebrow. Yes, I knew that locks and drawn blinds wouldn’t keep Alice—or any vampire out, for that matter, but I did not want to lose the ground I’d made here in my bedroom today.

“Bella, you know she could be here before you could run downstairs and bolt the door. We don’t have to stay long, let’s just go now.”

Damn him and his rationalization. He could dazzle me into going and he knew it. I groaned and flopped over on my back letting my arm slide off the bed, knuckles thumping loudly on the floor in the process. I stared at the spider webbing cracks in the ceiling until I felt the bed shift and Edward’s beautiful face came into view.

“Won’t you at least do this for me?” he asked hesitantly, his amber eyes almost swimming with an unspoken sadness.

What?! Did he think my reluctance to go see Alice was because of the wedding itself and my former discomfort with the idea?

“Edward, wait,” I began as I briefly met his gaze before he turned away and sat up on the edge of my bed, his back to me.

“I was honest when I told you I was looking forward to our wedding and that I’d accepted that part of our bargain. It’s not because of the wedding that I don’t want to go over to your house—it’s just that—well, I’d rather stay here alone with you.” My snow white wedding dress (and everything it signified was the last thing on my gutter-prone mind.)

I was blushing, I could feel it. I wrapped my arms and legs around him and rested my cheek against his back, feeling the coolness creep through the fabric of his shirt. I squeezed him tight, hoping he could feel my reassurance and the unwavering affection I had for him.

I felt him sigh and his hands settled just above my knees where he gave my legs a gentle pat. “I’m sorry, I’m frustrated—with myself, not you,” he amended quickly. “I know everyone is excited for us, but I’m starting to think that eloping to Vegas idea was quite brilliant. Believe me, love, I’d rather be alone here with you too.”

I bit my lip, unable to contain a smile. True, I didn’t think I’d get him to bend the ‘no sleeping together before marriage’ rule this close to the wedding, but every inch of progress we made now would ease the uncertainty and nervousness on our wedding night.

“Quit giggling and blushing back there,” Edward said from over his shoulder. “It’s difficult enough to resist you as it is, but the pink in your cheeks combined with your laughter is almost enough to make me call Alice and tell her to get lost.”

“How almost?” I asked, my fingers blindly unfastening one of the buttons on his shirt.

He laughed breathily and it made me want to stay here even more. “C’mon, let’s go. I promise to find some more alone time at any cost today—no matter where we have to go. I know a lovely bed and breakfast in French wine country—we could be there tonight.”

“Edward,” I complained. He was serious too; the hopeful tone in his voice was unmistakable. If I said yes he’d be on the phone with the airlines in vampire speed.

“Too much?” he asked teasingly. “If you say so. Hang on,” he urged, a moment before he rose from the bed, my arms and legs still wrapped around him. “We’ll give Alice an hour and that still gives us an hour alone before Charlie comes home,” he proposed as he drew my wrist toward his mouth, trailing kisses up my forearm.

I sighed contentedly. “OK,” I relented as I closed my eyes and let him piggyback me downstairs to the silver Volvo waiting in the driveway.

I pleaded with him to drive within the speed limit today—not only did I feel physically better when he did, but it bought us some extra time alone. I hadn’t really won this particular battle, but I was feeling pretty confident—my feminine wiles had done the trick. Sort of. I had gotten him to bend, at least a little bit, to my will.

True, we were still on the way to see Alice, but I had managed to delay the trip a few minutes and he hadn’t seemed any more eager to leave the confines of my room than I had… perhaps the unfairly, unbalanced Edward-Bella scale was finally tipping my way…

OK, so that was seriously unlikely, but it might be worth a try—if only for my own benefit and practice.

I gave up watching the blur of green zip past the car windows and scooted closer to Edward—as close as my seatbelt and the console would allow, and gently rested my hand on his thigh.

His muscles instantly tensed under my hand, the action causing him to press down on the accelerator as he turned his head to appraise me.


I bit my lip and almost had to turn away to refrain from smiling. “Keep your eyes on the road, Edward.”

Brow slightly furrowed, eyes narrowed, he coughed lightly and directed his attention back to the highway.

Unable to resist, I had to push this—to see how far I could go. I slowly slid my hand upward, letting my nails gently graze over his designer jeans.

“Bella, what are you doing?”

For a genius he could be really stupid. I refused to meet his gaze, but I knew he was staring openly at me. I forced my hand to stop when I reached the juncture of his leg. This had started as a little fun, but the sentiment behind my actions was real—I did want to drive him to distraction. And not only just to see if I could do it. The feeling of his rock-hard muscles beneath my hand, the coolness of his skin beneath his jeans, and the increasing aroma of his sweet breath as he very nearly panted filled the car, assaulting my senses.

I leaned over further and rested my head on his shoulder, trailing my other hand along his hairline, my touch as soft and tempting as I could possibly make it. “I can think of a dozen other things I’d rather be doing right now, can’t you?”

The engine revved, the RPM’s and the speed increased instantaneously, the needles jumping wildly as he squirmed in his seat.

He made a move to grab my hand, but I voluntarily moved it first, letting in rest on his right bicep. The fingers of my other hand continued to thread through his soft, bronze locks, letting the hair slide between my fingertips.

“Isabella Swan,” he hissed, closing his eyes for a moment as he inhaled deeply. “You are seriously underestimating my self control.”

I found that hard to believe, but the mere thought of it made me smile, the heat returning to my face in that human gesture Edward appreciated so much. I leaned up slightly, pressing my lips to his earlobe, inhaling the heavenly scent wafting off his skin. “I know,” I breathed, my tongue darting out to taste his sweet skin. “That was my intent.”

A shrill wail pierced the intimacy inside the Volvo.

Startled, I pushed away from Edward, slumping back into my own seat—the siren was instantly recognizable.

Edward cursed loudly as I turned and looked over my shoulder to see the blue and red flashing lights of the Forks Police cruiser. His long, pale fingers curled over the steering wheel, a glint of mischief twinkling in his golden eyes.

“Please tell me you’re not actually considering outrunning the Police—pull over, Edward.”

The squad car’s flashing lights reflected off the rear-view mirror, illuminating his face in an odd purplish hue. He growled loudly and instantly began slowing down. I suspected that if I’d not been in the car—well, he never would have been pulled over, but he would have outrun the police. And he would have liked it.

I turned to look over my shoulder again to see if I could identify the officer on duty—truthfully I was just glad it wasn’t the chief. Edward had gone out of his way to be extra nice to Charlie, and my dad was trying to be understanding in the wake of our engagement and announcement of my desire to attend ‘college’ in Alaska, but the situation was far from perfect.

I briefly found myself wondering if Edward would be able to dazzle the officer, or if a vampire’s ability could only influence a member of the opposite sex.

He continued to grumble and curse under his breath as he pulled over and the car stopped. I pressed my lips together fighting back a smile. I hoped this could—eventually—be a story we could laugh about with the Cullen’s for… forever.

Edward began speaking so rapidly, faster than I could understand, but I caught bits of phrases.

“…didn’t see… was distracted… wasn’t paying attention…”

A part of me was thrilled that I could distract him at all and actually achieve something. Maybe I just needed to focus, to keep at my task, to not allow him to distract me. Surely he would be a little angry at being pulled over, perhaps his pride would be hurt, but he would get over it. I could help with that.

Edward looked over at me while he leaned up, fishing for his driver’s license from the wallet in his back pocket. “This isn’t funny, Bella,” he snapped, catching me trying not to laugh.

“You're right,” I admitted with a nervous giggle. “It’s hilarious.”

He narrowed his honey-colored eyes and leaned across me, rifling through the glove box for his registration and proof of insurance. I briefly wondered if the documents were forged and, if they were, would they fool the authorities? I shook my head at my own stupidity—the Cullen’s were experts at forgery, if the documents were falsified, they’d be perfect.

Behind us, the door to the cruiser slammed shut and Edward lowered his window in anticipation and then shied away from the door, leaning toward the console. Thank God it wasn’t sunny today. A swell of panic rose inside me—how fast had Edward been going? I didn’t even notice. Would the officer give him a hard time? What would Edward do?

“Afternoon there, son, any idea how fast you were going?”

Edward rolled his eyes petulantly at the smug voice. “Sixty-seven point nine miles per hour?” he replied in a sarcastic tone.

I closed my eyes and winced. Edward didn’t stand a chance of getting out of this without a ticket.

The officer clearly did not appreciate Edward’s tone of voice. He tapped his ink pen on the window ledge and leaned down to peer into the car; his brow was furrowed, his face was red, and his lips were pressed together tightly. “Think you’re being—Bella?”

I hadn’t recognized the voice, but the face was instantly familiar. “Hi Andy,” I offered nervously as I felt my face warm with embarrassment. I wiggled my fingers in an anxious wave. I remembered Fourth of July barbecues with the rest of the Forks Police Department and their families. Every summer Charlie would drag me along and I was usually the only girl my age there. I quickly learned to bring along a book. I did remember Andy and his wife though; they were always nice and seemed to be genuine.

“And you must be Edward.” A smile spread across his countenance, and I let my face drop into my open hands. I should have known Charlie would vent about Edward at the station.

To his credit, Edward remained calm, giving Andy a pinched smile. “Yes, I’m Doctor Cullen’s son, Edward.”

I almost laughed. Edward Cullen was resorting to name dropping? Since when? Did he think this would get him out of a ticket?

“Your father is a great man,” Andy offered, clearly unimpressed with what Edward was trying to do. I resented it, however. He was implying that Edward was not great in some way which, in my opinion, he clearly was.

All friendliness was put aside for business. “You were going awful fast there, Edward, what’s the rush?”

My pulse thundered in my ears, the blood rushing and throbbing in a rush which I’m sure Edward picked up on immediately. I felt my skin heat—not only at the thought of what I’d been able to do to distract him, but that we were nearly ‘caught’ in the process and now Edward was possibly facing trouble because of my indiscretion. It wasn’t his mistake to correct; it was mine.

I leaned forward, across Edward’s body and hesitantly met Andy’s scrutinizing gaze. “It’s my fault, really,” I began, my eyes shifting quickly to meet Edward’s in an attempt to tell him I could handle this. “We were late for an appointment, you see, we’re getting married and—”

“Yeah, your dad mentioned that. Congratulations.”

The wish seemed half-hearted.

“Thanks. So we’re running late and I asked Edward to drive fast. I know it’s illegal—and dangerous—I’m sorry.”

I reached for Edward’s hand and threaded my fingers through his. Despite the chill of his skin, the familiar jolt of electricity surged through me and I couldn’t help but smile.

Andy sighed, forcing me out of my reverie. “The Doctor’s son and the Police Chief’s daughter—damned if I do, damned if I don’t. Be safe—and be smart.”

I flashed him an appreciative smile before he strode away. Edward let out a breath and gave my hand a squeeze. “It seems I’ve underestimated you yet again. You don’t need to be a vampire to dazzle people. All this time I’ve always known you could dazzle me, but I had no idea you had that power over others as well.”

He smiled my favorite smirk and raised our entwined hands to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss to my skin.

As if on cue—yet again—the phone rang.

“That’ll be Alice,” Edward said, retrieving his phone from his jeans pocket and handing it to me. “I don’t want to talk to her.”


“Bella? Is Edward there? Is everything OK?” she asked hesitantly. I was certain she’d seen a vision.

“Yes, sorry, Alice, we’re on our way. We’re just running a little late. It seems Edward’s radar detector is faulty today."
Tags: fanfiction

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